Grass seed

Grass seeds around here at this time of year are a major nuisance. Mostly for getting caught in socks, but today there was one lodged in the eye of a sleepy lizard. Just in case you were wondering, it is not a rare thing to see sleepy lizards in our yard, or around our house. 

The first trick was to catch it without getting bitten. And for those of you who don’t know, a sleepy lizard is not something you want to get bitten by. Admittedly, that’s not a real crowded category. Sure, South American lingerie models qualify, but even they have some conditions attached. Anyways, wearing a glove and armed with a blanket, I had a number of attempts to catch the small lizard, but it was on the ground, and that’s not really my forté. I can get through a whole week with out tying my shoelaces. Obviously, there are large stretches within that time span where I am not wearing my shoes, and therefore tying laces is not really on the agenda.

Anyway, there I was bent over, simultaneously trying to grab the lizard and not get my hand close enough to get bitten, when it started to flee. Didn’t mind the fleeing, it has to be said; it was an improvement on the hissing and the snapping. So I had to try and outrun the lizard whilst maintaining the un-evolved stance that would let me reach it. I must have looked like a gorilla stuck on stilts.

Eventually, looking like a gorilla stuck on stilts—even with my shirt on—my half-hearted efforts were replaced by something a bit more meaningful. Which didn’t resolve the situation as quickly as Dignity would have liked. I am on a first-name basis with Dignity, but things are a bit tense and awkward between us—due mostly to my inability to live up to what I feel to be unrealistically high expectations. Bygones.

Once I did eventually catch the sleepy lizard, the easy part was removing the grass seed. Completely un-climactic. Sorry.


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